You tease…

July 3rd, 2010

I was sitting on the back porch, slowly rocking back and forth in that creaky old chair, listening to the cricket chirp and enjoying the warm air breezing by my skin.

“I think I love you” you suddenly blurted.

“w-what?” I mumbled, afraid I had heard wrong. I had been trying so hard to get you to like me.

“As a friend, sort of thing.” you continued, blissfully unaware of what you had now done to my respiratory system.

You didn’t want a relationship, especially one of long-distance, since you had just gotten out of one.  I, on the other hand, would have leaped backward 14 times and cut off my own hand just to have your heart. I had fallen fast for you, and there was no turning back now.

Fast forward to October, 2011. I’m on my dorm room couch, clutching the phone excitedly as I booked a plane ticket that oh-so-conveniently had a layover just within your reach. A four-hour one.  I was going to meet you!

We talked excitedly about our first meeting.  What would we say? What would we do? Do we kiss?

I’ll write about that in a couple of weeks, when our 1 year bestows itself upon us. Yet, we’ll be spending it apart, like most days. Will we ever have a normal relationship? Will I ever get to have a drawer of things at your place? Some days, it’s hard to think about the future with you. I want to advance so badly, but distance holds us back. I know we will survive, but it’s surviving that’s always the toughest.

I know we’ll make it because I love you. That’s it. Three words, three syllables, eight letters. Words that mean so little in today’s society; thrown in a rap song here and there, used almost as a restraint. Words that we’ve said 50,000 times and more.

We’ll make it because I cannot imagine a single day without your greeting being the first of the day. Because my heart skips two beats when I come down the escalator at the airport and catch a glimpse of that boyish smile you give me each time. Because we can fight one day, and the next stay up all night talking. Because sometimes you can’t manage to say a single sentence, but you write beautiful things that make me cry. Because I’ll rant about my horrible day, traffic and any other event stressing my mind, and you will still be on the phone, right there, listening. Because we have been through things no ordinary couple has been through, for three long years.

And I thought I loved you then.

The Beginning

June 12th, 2010

The day I met you.

“I’ve seen your pictures, you’re not my type.” you boldly told me, a few weeks later.

“Are you calling me ugly?” was how I responded, followed by tears.

Unbeknownst to us, we had launched something bigger than either of us could have imagined.

Two and a half years later, I sit here and write this, listening to you mumble in your sleep. You’ve dozed off, as one of us usually does, and I hear you breathing into the phone. A gust of wind blasting into my ear.  At times like these, I know I love you. You’re innocent, vulnerable, and I wish more than anything that I could kiss your forehead and pull the blanket up to your chin. That’s the difficult part.  We’re so close, but yet we’re always so far away, too far to reach out and touch. Phones, instant messaging and video chatting can only go so far.

As of today, January 4th, 2013, I have been with you 4 times, since first meeting you a year ago on January 21st, 2012. We have spent a total of two weeks combined together, and three holidays. There is an average 107 days between each of our visits. Combined, we’ve spent 55 hours traveling to see each other, and currently, we live 1.5 hours apart, by plane.

It’s needless to say how much you mean to me. Even though we go through dry spells (the phone gets hard to bear), have our shares of discontent, and even an occasional fight (why won’t you talk more?!), I can’t live without you. You are my oxygen, my heart, my  other half. This isn’t some kind of puppy love either. I can’t inhale without you. Believe me, I’m not the type of ohmygodlovemeorI’lldie either.

So, this is my journal for you.

To share our trials and tribulations, to give advice, to rant and rave to someone else. To pour my heart into pages of something that one day I {maybe} will let you read.  If you behave.

Love always and all ways,

Me

P.S. I’m glad I’m now referred to as “the most beautiful girl in the world.” We’ve come a long way.